The Creation Museum, Part 1 - Creation
As I found out too late, learning about the Creation Museum through the press is the wrong way to learn about the Creation Museum. But so it was some time back, and upon learning of its existence I thought it would be a bit of a lark to see what the creationists would put in a “museum.” Memorial Day weekend I discovered the lark was akin to Jonah’s journey into the belly of the whale.
My travel partner (names have been redacted to protect the innocent from, well, the crazies) and I made our way west of the Cincinnati International Airport along I-275, quickly leaving the trappings of civilization and entering what another friend of mine would affectionately call “Banjo Country.” We left the highway, driving through picturesque countryside. Out of nowhere materialized the entrance gates, imposing rather than welcoming. Think “Jurassic Park,” only instead of keeping dinosaurs in, they were there most likely to keep vandals out. At this point it hit us: we had crossed the threshold into the heart of creationist country. The anxiety was palpable because, hell, none of us knew any creationists, and frankly they aren’t the most rational of people. And so I decided to say a little prayer to Ahura Mazda to watch over and protect us as we walked amongst the unenlightened (I’m sure creationists say a similar prayer every morning). The fact that I survived to tell the tale I think proves beyond doubt that Ahura Mazda is the one, true Lord of Light, not some Canaanite thunder deity (my apologies to the Ahl al-Kitaab I inevitably just offended).
Looks like a normal science museum…
…with fancy, modern looking font assuring us it is, indeed, a “museum”
We passed, unmolested, through the impressive glass doors, the off-duty police officer kindly greeting us. The first challenge had been passed. The next challenge of purchasing tickets would not be so easy. Here we were grilled about how we had come to hear of the “museum.” As mentioned earlier, our answer, through the news, was not the correct one. Later, in the safety of Ohio, my travel companion and I mused about what the correct answer would be, concluding that the only proper way to hear of the “museum” would be through one’s young Earth creationist (YEC) church. No doubt the ticket salesman, who appeared to be a savvy, devoted YEC, denoted something off about us, given that I was not wearing a Dale Earnhardt, Jr. commemorative t-shirt, and my travel partner was not dressed in a bonnet and ankle length skirt. In the end the sway of the almighty greenback put two tickets into our hands, and we made our way to the main exhibit, getting our picture taken with “scary” dinosaurs first, which I’m assuming would be added later since we were just standing in front of a green screen. You can’t accuse YECs of lacking a sense of humor.
Dinosaur and little girl living in harmony
The lobby leading to the main exhibit serves the purpose of preparing the patron for the divine message within. Here we found various video screens stating “facts” that are to be extrapolated from the Bible, as well as the above pictured display. That’s right: a creepy, wax figure little girl (the “museum” was full of creepy wax figures) co-existing peacefully with a dinosaur of some variety. This branch of YEC believes not that dinosaurs didn’t exist, but that they lived side-by-side with humans. More of such shenanigans were awaiting my travel partner and I as we passed through the exhibit entrance.
There’s a reason they don’t tell you this crap in school, kid
Only YEC can prevent a dystopian future!
The main exhibit is one part romp through the Old Testament (which I would expect everyone there to know, but whatever), one part statement and “proof” of YEC beliefs, and one part vision of the dystopian future to come when man has rejected God (because Europe is a real hell hole). Frankly, the whole thing became interminable real fast, and by the time we watched an automaton Methuselah impart his antediluvian wisdom we were essentially breezing past displays. Because, honestly, there is only so much of an obviously wrong ideology one can submit their brain to before they start to crack. Besides, we weren’t there for the displays so much as observing the people engrossed in them. And there were a lot of people in the “museum” that day. Too many people. Any mirth that could have been derived by the hilarity of the exhibits was automatically canceled out by the fact that someone was taking this seriously.
After spending an hour or so drifting through the museum we were hungry enough to take lunch at Noah’s Cafe, feasting upon cheap pizza. It was a little too muggy to eat outside beside the artificial pond, although dining options are available there too, if you are interested. Satiated, my travel partner and I decided to saunter down to the petting zoo, which was somewhere in this stylized wood which included a swingy bridge frequented by little kids who were most likely expending the pent up energy they had after being bored to tears from the “museum” (although ads placed throughout would have you think otherwise). At this point we had decided we had had enough of creationists and would very much like to return to more secular activities, like visiting presidential graves in Ohio.
In part 2 I will discuss the YEC beliefs encountered during the visit. Stay tuned.
Tags: Creation Museum
September 10th, 2009 at 1:14 pm
“Any mirth that could have been derived by the hilarity of the exhibits was automatically canceled out by the fact that someone was taking this seriously.”
Precisely why I can’t go to things like this - I’m depressed before I even get there.